The Graduate

I have blogged about my Austin before. You know that I am a very proud mommy. This will be a gushing blog post, so if you aren't up for it, you might just want to click away.

There have been so many times in his short 18 years that I wondered what would happen in his future. Since we got his Autism diagnosos when he was 5, there have been so many times I didn't know what would happen with him. I still have some worries about what will happen next, but for now I will just think about his accomplishments in the last couple weeks.

The Sunday before school was over, Austin graduated from Seminary. He sacrificed one elective class period every sememter throughout his whole four years of high school to take seminary. He made this choice on his own without any pushing from us. He studied his scriptures, he participated in his class and he did all the work. But he wasn't the only kid to do it. Not only did every senior in our ward graduate with a four year certificate, every kid in our stake did! I am so proud of him and all of those kids. (I was Austin's cub scout leader for a couple years and Jim was the scoutmaster for those kids, so we know and love them all) Below are a few of those boys that we love so much. They have been great friends to Austin.

Then came the last week of school. Austin was in the End of Year Assembly. He loved being involved! He loved being in high school. He loved opening the door for everyone. He loved all the friends he made at Syracuse High School. I loved how they embraced him and his quirky ways.

Then came the big day... Graduation! So many people were involved in getting him to that day. I appreciate all of them and all they did to help get him to this. And not only get him there, he got there with his class and with a 3.5 GPA. He worked so hard! He loved seeing those A's on his report card. He's such a good boy!

Then it was time to celebrate! I told him I wanted to take him on a trip and he could choose where he wanted to go. And just like a "Disney Kindred Spirit", like a kid after my own heart, he chose Disneyland. He loves all things Disney, just like his mom, and that was where he really wanted to go. And it was worth every penny...

A lot of people don't like to go to Disneyland because of the crowds and the lines. I have never been in June because of that. But we went and we made sure we had plenty of time. We started with a visit with my dad, Austin's Papa Ralph. We went to an Angles game and then Papa dropped us off at our hotel. We checked in and went straight over to the parks. The lines were long but much more tollerable with an 18 year old than with toddlers. My favorite part of the trip was just watching his face as he experienced his old favorites and some of the new things. (California Adventure was still being built the last time we were at the Disneyland Resort in CA) He loved Sorin' over California, the new Little Mermaid ride and World of Color, the night time show. I enjoyed watching his face while he watched the parade down Main Street and when he met the characters at our breakfast in the park.

It was so fun for me to be able to spend some one on one time with my Austin, even though he almost ran me into the ground. (I had to recover for a few days after!) We are as close as two people can be when one of them has Autism. It was fun to be able to have little conversations with him, something that is not so easy to do. It was fun to be able to spoil him and let him make decisions about where to go and what to do on those days.

We aren't quite sure what is next for him. He wants to work with animals and he wants to serve a mission. We know what ever he does he will do his best and he will work very hard. He will make us proud as he has the last 18 years. We love him and we are so proud of him!

Glue Flakes Keep Fallin' from My Head

In an effort to continue to diagnose the severity of my autoimune disorder, my doctor ordered some more tests. One of the things that may happen with my soft tissues is called Calcinosis (calcium deposits). One fear is that this happens in my lungs. If it does, my body will not be able to absorb oxygen like it should. That could cause pulmonary hypertension. It is scary when you take it in all at once but I am pretty far from that. That is why my doctor has me have a yearly chest x-ray and heart ultrasound. It is also why I was sent to have a "lung study" done. He just wanted to get a starting point so we can monitor it for the future.

So I went to have my lung study at the local hospital. I got to sit in a Plexiglas box and breathe into a tube several different times in several different ways. The computer did all kinds of calculations, the results were sent to my doctor and we met with him to go over the results. He said my lungs are already starting to have some trouble absorbing oxygen. Not much but enough that it may be affecting my sleep and that may be why I have been getting light headed when I over exert myself.

So, he wanted to do another test. He wanted to check my oxygen levels while I sleep. I went to the hospital and picked up a pulse oximeter. I got to wear it for a night while I was sleeping. Those results were also borderline so he ordered another test. He wanted me to do an overnight sleep study at the clinic.

Last week, I packed up my knitting and my pajamas and headed to the sleep lab. I checked into the lab at about 7:30pm. I got settled in for a little bit. I started watching a movie and knitting. It was quite comfortable. I was warm enough (that is always my greatest fear) and the bed was very comfortable.

Then, the technicians came in to hook me up to all the sensors. There were so many it took about 20 minutes. The beautiful self portrait below only shows about 2/3 of the wires that were connected to me.

What you can't see are the wires stuck to my calves, the other strap wrapped around my waist, and the six sensors glued to my scalp. They had to rub a solution on my head to clean it, then they glued the sensors on and dried them with a little air compressor. They gathered the wires and hooked them up to a plug behind the headboard. After that, they had the audacity to wish me a good night's sleep.

It took me a while to fall asleep. I put in my ear plugs and put on my eye mask. I finally felt like I was just in a deep sleep and far in the distance I felt the lights go on and heard the door open. It was time to wake up. (Well, what they thought was time to wake up. I wouldn't consider 5:30am an hour I would generally choose to wake up.) It took a little less time to unhook me from all the wires. They had to spray a solvent in my hair to get the sensors from my head unglued. That was fun. I gathered my stuff and took my greasy hair home. I crawled into my own bed. It woke Jim up so we had a few minutes to chat before he had to get up and get ready for work. A few hours later I got up and got in the shower. They told me the rest of the glue would wash out in the shower, but it didn't.

It is a week later and I should be getting my results anytime now. It is a week later and I am just starting to feel like I am making up my sleep. It is a week later and I am still picking glue flakes from my scalp.

I feel like I have been a horrible wife and mother the last week because I have felt so exhausted. I hope my family understands. I know they will never feel what my body is feeling, just like I don't really know what Austin's autistic brain is thinking. But I hope they can try to understand that I'm not just lazy, just like I know Austin isn't. It is just a different way of functioning. It is very hard to describe. It is also hard to know that with both of us, even though our diagnosis' are drastically different, it is our reality. A reality we will both live with for the rest of our lives.

We live in these fragile bodies for what we think is a long time. It is sometimes hard to keep things in perspective. It has been hard for me this last week. Then I get reminded that this life is very short. It is the eternities that we are preparing for. I know one day I will be able to sit down with Austin and have a wonderful conversation. I also know that one day I will be again be able to climb a mountain.

It's OK if that day doesn't come in this life. I know the next will be even better.

A Prince Among Men

Austin is our first born. We had him when we were very young and silly, but happy. He he grew and developed like any healthy boy should. His brothers followed very soon after that.

When he was not quite two years old, I noticed he wasn't doing things he used to be able to do and there were some words he used to be able to say and didn't anymore. I could tell there was something different about him. Many people around me would say things like, "He's just fine" or "There's nothing wrong with him" or "Maybe you just need to...". He was my first and I was young and naive. I didn't know what to do so I just kept doing my best.

He started preschool at Kiddie Kollege. After a few months Ms. Beverly talked to me about how he didn't sit still or listen. She handed me an article about ADHD and suggested I go see my pediatrician. I made an appointment, took Austin and explained what the teacher said. He suggested we put him on Ritalin... my 3 year old! That was the last time we went to that doctor.

I moved him to a different preschool the next year. He did OK. I continued to wonder what was wrong. I shared my concerns with his teacher. She handled him well. I read everything I could about ADD and ADHD but it just didn't feel right. I treated him just like any other preschooler. He was expected to do his chores, be kind to his brothers and listen to his parents. We had communication issues. He had a hard time expressing what he wanted to say and I had a hard time getting him to listen to what I was saying. We did a lot of "Austin, look at my eyes when I talk to you" and "Austin, show me what you need."

Then Austin started Kindergarten. His teacher was an angel straight from heaven! She loved him no mater what he was like. She worked with his strengths and ignored his weaknesses. We started building a new house so at Christmas break we moved and Austin landed in a kindergarten class with a teacher that was old and mean. She didn't like dealing with him and disciplined him harshly. Austin, who potty trained fairly easily and hadn't had an accident since, started wetting the bed and having nightmares. And he didn't want to go to school. I pulled him out of school and taught him his ABC's on my own. Shortly after that, I decided to attend a meeting for parents with children with ADD and ADHD. I wanted to know what these parents were doing and what I could learn from them. They all talked about one particular specialist in Salt Lake City and how wonderful he was. I decided to take Austin to see him. We made the appointment and they told us to expect to be there for most of the day for different types of tests. The doctor was with Austin for about an hour when he came out and told me, "Your son does NOT have ADHD. I am pretty sure he has Autism. Let's finish the tests today. I will send you home with some questionnaires for his teachers. We will compile it all and send you our report." When people started learning the diagnosis, they asked me how I was feeling about it. I was just so relieved to have a diagnosis I felt great. It was such a weight off my shoulders.

I went back to his old school so I could have the angel teacher fill out the questionnaire. She was so happy to see us! I explained what was going on and she told me that she suspected as much. She also told us that Austin's desk was just the same as it was the last time he was there and she would love to have him back in her class. She talked to the principal and TOLD him Austin would be coming back. To this day I get teary eyed when I think of what she did for us and especially Austin. I will never forget her. Needless to say, he thrived in her class. No more nightmares, no more accidents.

We moved him back to our local elementary school for first grade. He adjusted well. His teachers loved him, the kids knew he was different and took advantage of that. Especially the ones that were in his special classes with him. I think they were just doing what they could to feel better about themselves. Junior High was no better, at least in his resource classes, and I worried if he would ever have any friends that would love him the way we loved him. I wondered if others would notice the sweet and lovable Austin that his teachers knew. Deep down he has such a good spirit. He just wants to help people and do what is right. He wants others to feel that way too. He really hates it when he knows others are breaking rules and he especially hates it when he hears swear words at school. But despite all of that and how he was treated by those few bad apples, he knew he wanted to do something to help others.

So in junior high, he started holding the front door open for the kids coning to school. He sometimes got upset if we were a little late and arrived after the bus because he missed out on holding the door open for those kids. A few of the kids noticed and got to know him from that.

Then he started high school.

Something magical happens when kids around here go to high school. They finally start to figure out whatever they were trying to figure out in junior high. Maybe it is because they find more people that have their same interests and they feel more accepted. Maybe it is because they have finished going through that awkward stage and feel more comfortable in their own skin. Maybe the raging hormones aren't raging so much. Whatever it is, they seem to clam down a bit and notice others more. At least I have noticed that with my teenagers. 13, 14 and 15 have been hard but by the time they are 16 I don't really want to strangle them as much!

Austin is now a senior at Syracuse High School. He continues to hold the door for the others at school and has since he started there. When I am around him at the school and around town, I can tell that the kids know who he is and seem to like him. I had no idea how much until this week.

I got a phone call from him while I was in Las Vegas visiting my sister's family. His communication skills are still being worked on but mostly understood what he was trying to tell me. He had been nominated for Homecoming Royalty! He was given a letter with all the things he would be doing the next week for Homecoming week. They were learning a song to sing at the Friday assembly, he would be in the parade, he found a date to take to the dance and the King would be announced at the football game the Friday of that week. I couldn't believe it and I was so excited for him.

The highlight of this week was riding on the float in the parade on Thursday. We made some signs to hold while he passed by and we yelled really loud. He was able to keep one of the big white balloons from the float decorations. It is still floating around our house!

Friday was a big day. First there was an assembly at school. That was the first time I realized how well liked Austin is at his school. When the royalty was announced and they came out onto the stage, Austin got the biggest cheer from the crowd. I was stunned! Later that night at the game, I was able to escort him onto the field at halftime for the announcement of the king, queen, first and second attendants. I was so nervous/excited for him all day. Here we are standing at mid-field when they introduced all the kids that were nominated. The roar of the crowd was deafening! I am glad Jim snapped this picture before the tears started falling. I was a wreck! To hear the kids cheer like that was music to a mother's heart.

Then the big moment was upon us. They had announced the second attendants and were about to announce the first. I could barely breathe. When they said his name for first attnedant I was so proud! He gave me a quick hug and went to stand up front with the beautiful girl that was also named first attendant. The boy that was king is a boy that is from our neighborhood. He is a great kid and I really like him. The only thing Austin heard was "first" so according to him, he was the winner.

So the next night was the dance. Kyle and his friends again rallied around Austin to make sure he had a date. This sweet girl was his date. I so appreciate her and her willingness to be such a good sport.

Here is part of the group that went together. Kyle on the left with his girlfriend and Austin on the right. They met three other couples for dinner and went to the dance together. They all ended up in our basement theater to watch a movie. From what I can tell, it was a wonderful evening for everyone!

There have been a lot of great memories in the last 17 and a half years with Austin but this week is going to be up there toward the top. It has been fun and busy but totally worth all the struggles. We don't know what the future holds for Austin. What we know is that we love him and we are tremendously proud of the things he has accomplished. We know that it will be our responsibility to live good enough in this life so that we can be with him in the next. We know he has already secured his place in heaven.

Plus, there's always Prom King.........

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall...

Who did Austin ask to the ball?

As far as I am concerned, it is the luckiest girl at Syracuse High School!

But its' a long story:

Austin is 17. Despite having Autism he does very well. He has an extremely tender heart, he is very good at following the rules, He is a hard worker and very helpful. He struggles a little with his social skills and some things at school but the kids his age have known him since kindergarten and understand that that's just Austin. But, still, he is a bit behind the other kids his age. With some very hard work, he is a few weeks away from getting his driver's license. That is a big thing for him. Also, he has yet to go on a date. I haven't been concerned about that. He usually gets the urge to do things when Kyle starts doing them (like getting his driving permit and license). Kyle is only 17 months younger than Austin. That makes for an interesting dynamic in their relationship. Kyle is younger but in most ways he is like the older brother. That was really hard for him a few years ago but I think he's understanding more what that means for him. He is trying really hard to be a good brother. Also, Kyle's 5th birthday was only a few days before the cut off for kindergarten. We had a hard time deciding weather or not to put him in school or keep him home one more year. We ended up sending him when he was 5. He is younger than almost everyone in his grade and just one year behind Austin.

But that's just some background info. Here's where the story begins:

Last week at lunch, Kyle's friend (and our next door neighbor) mentioned that she had not been asked to Prom yet. She joked that she was going to ask him but didn't think we, his parents, would let him (our rule is no dating until 16, he's a few months away). Kyle and I were in the car and had time to talk. He mentioned this to me and asked what I thought. I told him that the ONLY person I would even consider that for would be Gracie. She is one of the sweetest girls I have ever known! I thought that was the end of that but I should have known better. (These kids are teenagers and extremely resourceful!)

When Jim got home from work, I had Kyle tell his dad the story. Then Jim and I talked about it privately. We decided it would be considered if Austin could be included somehow. Well that was all it took. Wheels started turning, flying fingers started texting and before we knew it, Austin had someone lined up to ask to the prom (Gracie's sweet friend). I guess this type of scheme takes a village!

So here's something I learned when I moved to Utah. You can't just go up to someone and ask them to a dance. It has to be a super creative and interesting scavenger hunt or puzzle that asks your prospective date. The answer should be equally creative. A couple members of this "village" of friends helped come up with how Austin should ask Katie and on Saturday he asked. She was at play practice and we went over to her house. We put a note on her front door that said, "Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who will be my date to the ball?". Her sister was given the task of being her fairy godmother and guiding her through the house, where on several mirrors, we put a single letter of Austin's name. The last letter was on the mirror in her room along with a note that read, "Because you are the fairest of them all, will you go with me to the ball?"

Well, she answered! Her note said, "It would take an army to hold me back from going to the dance with you! YES!!!" And of course, I had the camera handy:

The idea was to set up little army guys all over his room. They started trying to stand them all up but that wasn't going to work at all!

Then they just started scattering them all over the room. That was much faster.

Some of the members of the "Get a Prom Date for Austin" village. His date is the cute girl second from the left.

Along with the army guys, she left a little toy gun. He was super happy that she said yes but he REALLY liked getting that gun!

The next morning I looked in his room and noticed he had separated the army guys into neat little piles. That is so Austin! I just had to take a picture.